how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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