At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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