I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What a dumb baby whore.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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