Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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