so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize