just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
