so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize