hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I AM VODKA MAN
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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