It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂