and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life