Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?