Texts From Last Night

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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!

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  (506): porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off! http://tfl.nu/nmc3
  Replies (28) Good night (5926) Bad night (897)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.

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  (651): It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes. http://tfl.nu/19vc
  Replies (24) Good night (1224) Bad night (4518)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay

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  (781): So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay http://tfl.nu/35ja
  Replies (11) Good night (4795) Bad night (1477)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila makes me forget i have legs

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  (250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk
  Replies (25) Good night (6166) Bad night (1318)
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  (607): View more from New York

  We can grow old together and our livers can fail together

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  (607): We can grow old together and our livers can fail together http://tfl.nu/ku07
  Replies (9) Good night (4445) Bad night (1335)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.

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  (403): Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice. http://tfl.nu/ol36
  Replies (10) Good night (3546) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?

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  (850): why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream? http://tfl.nu/judd
  Replies (7) Good night (3600) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere

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  (617): i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere http://tfl.nu/fh2k
  Replies (4) Good night (2669) Bad night (877)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking

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  (516): Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking http://tfl.nu/xf50
  Replies (4) Good night (1803) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

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  (202): In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/gnds
  Replies (14) Good night (3420) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"

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  (502): I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink" http://tfl.nu/1myn
  Replies (5) Good night (2311) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower

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  (262): I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower http://tfl.nu/cieg
  Replies (7) Good night (950) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.

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  (630): Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack. http://tfl.nu/0qa9
  Replies (5) Good night (437) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.

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  (770): I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups. http://tfl.nu/x4cx
  Replies (1) Good night (328) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.

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  (716): I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that. http://tfl.nu/47rs
  Replies (3) Good night (394) Bad night (211)

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