Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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