why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
