when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Two words: blizzard sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.