sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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