I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner