it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're breaking my sexual little heart