and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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