Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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