If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
