I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
