I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
