the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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