i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ladies don't puke and tell
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
