you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
