honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
