My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
