I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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