Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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