I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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