The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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