oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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