textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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