I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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