Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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