Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
