He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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