I love black thongs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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