okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
