dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
