idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
