from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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