my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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