i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think my moral compass just broke
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
