Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
