Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
