I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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