My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
