Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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