I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
