It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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