When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
