My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
