the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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