Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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