Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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