i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
