Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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