So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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