Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
