She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
