Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
