ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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