@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I smell like Dick and happiness
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
