That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
