i just had sex bonerless
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
