so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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