I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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