I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
