I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
