are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
