i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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