he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
