Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
