Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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