You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
