I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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