he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
