I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
