What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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