Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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