My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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