evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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