I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
